You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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