u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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