A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
