I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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