My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
