i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
