My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
