I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
