You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
