I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
