Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i came on her dog
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
