he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
