The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
