Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
