ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize