I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
