drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
