I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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