Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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