he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
