Rock
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Fuck
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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