i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
