fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
