Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
