2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
