He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
