super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
