Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
