She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
