A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
