can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
