No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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