Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
