She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
