So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
did i walk over a car last night?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
