FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
