I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
