just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The air was thick with penises
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
