Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
