I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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