how can u be prego again
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
