Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
