it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
