A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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