God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize