he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
