i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize