Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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