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try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
