oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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