apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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