Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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