I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
