How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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