How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
