I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
two words: eviction party
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
