this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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