Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
