Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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