I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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