I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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