I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
