piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The air taste purple.
Randomize
