there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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