there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
