i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am spending my child support on dildos
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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