come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
May the power of my ass compel you!!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
