Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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