hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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