I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
