i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
