I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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