Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
