if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
