She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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