Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Apparently you make a good broom.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
