Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
