And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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