is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
