just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
