Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
